YES, HERE COME THE

FOUR WHEEL DRIVE HARPSICHORDS!

CONCERTS IN THE ROUGH!

YOU BOOK 'EM, WE TRUCK 'EM!

FOUR WHEEL DRIVE HARPSICHORDS! NOW PROUDLY PRESENTS, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN NORTH AMERICA,

OUTBACK AND BACK COUNTRY DELIVERIES OF HARPSICHORDS, FORTEPIANOS, AND MILITARY ISSUE CLAVICHORDS IN SPECIALLY OUTFITTED ORIGINAL EQUIPMENT DIESEL POWERED LAND ROVERS, RIGHT-HAND DRIVE, WITH SPECIAL COUCHET SUSPENSION, AND WITH ENGINES TUNED TO LOW PITCH!

ALL OFFERINGS WITH FOLLOWING NO CHARGE EXTRAS, FORMERLY OFFERED AS OPTIONS, BUT NOW INCLUDED WITH EVERY RENTAL:

 

CONCERT GRADE TUNINGS OF THE HIGHEST ACCURACY UNDER BATTLE CONDITIONS.

ALL DOUBLE MANUAL INSTRUMENTS EQUIPPED WITH CADENZAMATIC TRANSMISSIONS (optional ZF gearboxes.)

MUSICAL STRIKE TEAMS AVAILABLE FOR COVERT OPERATIONS BEHIND MODERN INSTRUMENT LINES.

POLISHED & EFFETE impeccably dressed field-ready music critics airdropped behind enemy lines,caustic gas pens and vitriolic laptop equipped with satcom modems, able to snipe from treetops or tenth row aisle.

FULL RIGGING SERVICES and original aegyptian cotton tent installations providing venues resistant to any weather conditions.

MOBILE COMPOSER-SCOUTS, Juilliard or Curtis war college graduates, come as part of every field ops team. ready to provide compositions whipped up on the spot, tailored for the occasion. (free unmeasured prelude "a discretion" included.) (NB: hartt/longy/manhattan/northwestern/peabody graduates available for substantially less.)

ARMOURED OUTER CASES, custom fitted, provided for all keyboard instruments, stencilled with your name and rank (gilt paint standard,gold leaf extra.)

APDP UNITS (AUTHENTIC PERFORMANCE DEFENCE PLATOONS) AVAILABLE TO ACCOMPANY BAND AND PROVIDE HEAVY FIREPOWER AGAINST MODERN INSTRUMENT SNIPERS.)

FOUR WHEEL DRIVE ORCHESTRA CONVOYS AVAILABLE FOR THOSE SPECIAL SETTINGS WHEN YOU NEED MORE MUSICAL HORSEPOWER FOR YOUR INVESTMENT!

PORTABLE COLLAPSIBLE TRAILERABLE GREEN ROOMS FOR PRIMA DONNA PRIVACY ON TOUR, EACH WITH CONTINENTAL PLUMBING, INCLUDING BIDETS, PHACQUES, AND PERSONAL CONFIDANTS.

 

AND................ IF YOU SIGN UP WITHIN THE NEXT THIRTY DAYS, YOU WILL GET ABSOLUTELY FREE A JAR OF AUTHENTIC IOANNES RUCKERS "LUBRICANS NASALE" CERTIFIED TO BE FROM KLAVIERBAUMEISTER RUCKERS THE ELDER'S FACIAL EXUDATE - SUPERIOR TO ANY OTHER KNOWN LUBRICANT FOR FREEING UP RECALCITRANT FRENCH, ITALIAN AND PHLEGMISH ACTIONS - JACKS, KEYBOARDS, ETC.

(UMMM,...... FOR GERMAN ACTIONS, PLEASE BE SURE TO SPECIFY LARGE JAR, INDUSTRIAL GRADE.)

 


Contact Biff Werckmeister or Chiquita Cembalo at FOUR WHEEL DRIVE HARPSICHORDS for details! Ready to roll on 2 hours' notice!

Any other services you'd like to see included? Describe your special needs to us when you call!

 


FOUR WHEEL DRIVE HARPSICHORDS!™ is a special service of the Tiny Radio Theatre folks, located somewhere outside of normal time and space.

rev. August 1769

©Yves Albert Feder & Tiny Radio Theatre® / Sound Cartoons®